January 3, 2013

Hi all:) It is the start of a new year once again. Before I go any further let me just say how fabulous Joseph is doing this winter. Granted he is sick every other week,it feels like it any way, we have not had to be admitted to the hospital:) We have had to go to the ER twice!! I'm so grateful for how strong he has become. He's talking up a storm and learning new things everyday. Finally broke the 20 lb mark and holding steady @ 23 lbs, even with being sick so often, hope to have him at 25 maybe even 30 by his 3rd birthday!! Also it's time to start potty training or work on getting rid of his pacifier, not sure yet which one to do first. The other kids are all doing great too. The boys are enjoying winter break. They are having lots of fun playing with their new toys.

  At the moment I'm feeling as though our life is on hold not moving forward, just plain old stuck. I have spent the past 2+ years living moment to moment, giving in to easily, not being the woman, wife or mother they need me to be. I have not disciplined like I should, have not let my experiences mold me into a new person. I feel lost and alone. I know God is with me, but I don't feel him. He has proven time and again how much he loves us, yet we only call on Him when we have a need. Not everyday like we should. I have witnessed so many miracles since I found all these families with babies like mine. Yet I can't shake the feelings of anger, hurt, loss, and guilt, I have my son when so many have to say goodbye to theirs. I'm tired of it all and come to my friends to ask for prayers as I try to not only grow my relationship with God, but mend the hearts of my husband and children. I see the toll these years have taken on them and its time for the healing to begin. 

 

  I have many things I want to do this year, but only when I feel our family is mended will I start. Please pray for us as we embark on the road to a happier and maybe a little healthier family.