May 26 2010

The kids spent the night at moms, so I didn't need to worry about dropping them off. We headed to Lubbock to meet the specialist. My sister in law went with, she is a nurse. All the way up there I just thought about what this all meant. So much stuff was circulating in my head. From how sick will he be to will he even make it. From why us to why not us. From did I do something to cause it, was I not careful enough. So so many questions, and not alot of answers. We arrived and got in pretty fast. Did the usual things. Then it was time for the sono. It was 3D and Joseph looked wonderful. For a second I wished it weren't true. The Dr walked in and just the vibe he gave made me not like him. He was fine just not a dr tedford. So he did his flipping thru all the pics the nurse had already done of my sweet boy. Then checked a few things for himself. Then confirmed that Joseph had congenital diaphragmatic hernia. They took some amniotic fluid to check if it was a chromosome thing. If it was there was no chance for survival. If it wasn't his survival rate was 70/30, 60/40, or 50/50 all depending on how severe it would turn out to be. Then the nurse took us to a conference room. There the dr explained how serious it looked. What exactly it was, the differant types there are. They also set up my appointment with the surgeon. So much to process. We made a few stops then headed home. Of course there always has to be icing on the cake. We had almost made it home when pastor Dave pulled us over and informed us that the back tire was fixing to blow. He tried to change the flat but didn't know how to get the tire out from under the Yukon and I had no idea if there was even a jack in it. So he escorded us to what we thought to be a tire place but wasn't anymore. But the guy was nice and checked if he had a tire that would fit. He did. So we waited for him to change out the tire. I commented to Annie that it was a day to go home and cry my eyes out. She replied what for. That stunk:( she said we were blessed that pastor Dave had seen us and God would take care of us. I knew all of that but you still want to cry. The next day was isaiahs b-day we went to midland to mr gattis. It was a blast. Isaiah loved it. Afterward we went to moms for cake, batman of course. More to come.

May 2010:(

May had come and all,from my point of view anyway, was moving along great. I felt good, just very restless. We had an appointment with dr tedford and he was pleased by the heartbeat and how I measured. He ordered another sono which got scheduled for the 20. She made a few comments and the way she said them gave me the feeling all was not right. So I called the drs everyday to see if he had looked at it. Answer was always the same call back tomorrow. Finally on the 25 the nurse told me just come in and make him take the time to look at it. Mom was busy so I asked nancy to watch the kids for me and headed to brownfield. The way he walked into that room that day was so different then usual I just knew something was wrong. He said the baby has diaphragmatic hernia. This is when your diaphragm doesn't form properly. It's made to keep your digestive organs and chest organs separate. He told me to stay positive it could be wrong one never knows. But I knew, I tried to think maybe it wasn't so, but deep down I knew. They set up an appointment with dr Hales for the next day. I went to nancy's shared the news and got my kids and went home. Not knowing what tomorrow would bring.

April 2010

We had our first appointment with dr tedford. He ordered a sono. Which they schedule April 1. He looked so great, the tech didn't talk much which I knew meant something was wrong. Plus she didn't give pictures, she always got pictures for me. Love those first moments of seeing them in the womb. He was active and look good from what I could see. She sent me home and I waited for my appointment to see what was going on. The 15 I went in and dr tedford said I had a bloodclot on my cervix. He told me to take it easy and that's what I did. Margie one of my wonderful sisters stepped in and kept the house and sometimes the vehicles clean for me. Lisa another one of my wonderful sisters, did some yard work when Neil couldn't get to it. She also helped with bathing the kids. Mom helped with some of the cooking and sometimes laundry. So very blessed with my family. More to come:)

March

March was here I was feelin great. Not much was happening in our live just the usual everyday things. The only thing that wasn't so great was in the middle of the month. Me, mom and the kids went grocery shopping in Odessa. We were done so we all went to the bathroom before we went to checkout. I was feeling something was going to happen. So we went to checkout mom went first. Then it was my turn I put the things on, while I was waiting for the lady to finish. I could feel I was starting to leak and all I could think was lady hurry so I can make it to the bathroom. I hurried to the bathroom, got in the stall and there was a Cush of blood. Luckily i was able to get over the toilet only a few drops landed beside. All I had was one of clos diapers. In the car I put my sweater down first just in case. For the next 2 weeks I bled on and off . Did only what was necessary in housework. Just took it easy and waited for what I thought was coming next. It never happened so I made my first dr appointment. More to come:)

The Dream!!

So we just found out we are expecting number four:) Everything is still moving along great, I'm feelin better as the days pass. Then I have this dream... I had just had my baby it was a boy and he was so tiny. I remember seeing him laying there. Then I woke up. From that moment on I knew it was a boy, and I worried something might be wrong. But brushed it off, I mean it's only a dream right. When do our dreams show what might be coming. Now that I know makes me sad to the meaning of my dream last night. More to come tomorrow, kids asleep, now to shower and get to bed before midnight. Yay me:) Good night:)

The Beginning!!

Best place to start right;)I remember moments in December of 09 were I thought maybe 4 wouldn't be so bad. I mean it was 50/50 we would get another girl right:) Then we found out we would be getting a new little one from neils sister. I remember saying to her it's better you then me. If only I had known;)lol. So some weeks pass and I'm startin to notice I feel different. I knew before I even did the test. I was excited but not thrilled as I should have been. We told everyone right away. All was going great. Just a little morning sickness here an there. I of course started thinking how great a little girl would be for Chloe. Deep down I had a feeling that was not going to be the case. More to come:)

Hi:)

Just wanted to type a quick note. So much has gone on in our lives these past 18 or so months. Most of it I have bottled up as I always do and am hoping in doing this blog I will learn to express my self more. But also to find or help someone who has or is going thru some of the things I went thru. Lots of blogs coming up so keep checking:)