Getting it off my chest

Sweet sweet, little man! I still cant believe you are 5!!!

 

 I wish I could see you the way the rest of the world sees you: as this vibrant full of life spunky ornery 5 year old. I'm trying sweet boy, trying so hard, but all I see is that sick little baby fighting for his life day after day and a momma helpless to do anything about it. It's not fair to you!

 

They tell me he's doing great, he doesn't need any extra help! That is music to my ears, it really is, but what if we're missing something!

 

They tell me don't worry so much, that its in Gods hands! I know, I'm the one that gave that sweet baby back to God all those years ago. But what if these past 5 years have just been a test and the bigger trial is coming.

 

They tell me kids like him have a rough start, they grow out of it! Then why do I see stories of babies whose mommas thought they were doing good and then bam their gone from this world. What if that's the other shoe for us.

 

 

I'm not posting this so you'll stop telling it to me, I just wanted you to know what it's like for me. Living in this world, where you have to be the one to keep it realistic, to always at the back of your mind remember how he started his life.

 

If your a momma struggling with any of this, your not alone!!!

 

We are to help carry one another's burdens, I'm here to help you with yours!!!

 

Please don't take this personal, I'm not singling any one out! I just needed to feel the weight of this lifted off my chest.

 

 

 

School days

Hello! :)

             Our miracle boy has turned into a school boy!
                 Oh where oh where has the time gone!!
 
      Our first day drop off went great! He was so excited he wanted to walk there himself! I was foolish in thinking it would be that easy. The second day there were apparently tears after I left but none while I was there. Then the third day came and he chased me out of the room. Days 4&5 he stayed at his table but still cried. He is also a lot more rambunctious then my older 3 were, 2 of which had this same pre-k teacher! She has quickly learned that he is nothing like the other 2! We ended our first week with a cold, of course with Jo it's never just a simple cold. :'(

      Waking up at 1 am to the sound of wheezing coming toward you will never get easier! 3 breathing treatments, a call to the local ER, and a heart attack (by mom and dad) later we all settled into bed to get some rest. Monday we went to see the doc to make sure it wasn't to serious, thank The Lord it wasn't! But we got a rash from our antibiotics or prednisone, which means next time we have to find new ones to use! I'm still struggle with figuring out if we need to find him a pulmonologist or not. I fear all these colds all the time and these steroids are causing more damage then actually helping him. We've got his 5 year check up soon, guess I will talk to his pedi about it. :-/

       Our second week of school went a little better, we cried the first 2 days but the last 2 he looked very nervous but waved to me as I left. That makes me feel better at leaving him, so heart breaking to have to leave him when he's crying. Unfortunately he got his first taste of punishment from his teacher. I was expecting it, but I had hoped we'd be a little further into the school year before he'd act up! He punched a kid :-( I have a feeling it's only the beginning!!! :-/


         CAN YOU BELIEVE HE WILL BE 5 in 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                I know I can't :'(